A man goes to the doctor with a banana in his right ear, green beans up his nose, and a carrot in his left ear.

“Doctor,” he cries, “What do you think’s wrong with me?”

“Simple,” said the doctor “You’re not eating properly”

…Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

…Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

…Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

…Why isn’t there mouse…flavored cat food?

…When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

…Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

A woman brought her very limp parrot to the vet. The doctor examined the bird carefully, then shook his head. “I’m so sorry,” he said, “but Polly has passed away.”

“Are you sure?” the owner wailed. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing or anything! He might just be in a coma.”

The vet shrugged, left the room, and returned with a beautiful black Labrador. The dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examining table, and sniffed the bird from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet sadly and shook his head.

The vet took the dog out, then returned with a Siamese cat. The cat jumped up, sniffed all around the bird, and also shook its head.

The vet then said to the woman, “I’m sorry, but like I said, your parrot is most definitely, certifiably dead.” He then turned to his computer, produced a bill, and handed it to her.

“$250!” she sputtered. “$250 just to tell me my bird is dead?!”

The vet shrugged. “If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would only have been $20. But what with the Lab report and the Cat scan…”

Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice carton?…

Because it said “concentrate”.

Mona and I couldn’t be more proud of Anna.  She’s truly a treasure to us.

Happy birthday, Anna.  We love you.  Now that you’re 21, I can finally tell this blonde joke…

How do you get a blonde on the roof?
….tell her drinks are on the house.

Click here for lots more pictures, including some from Easter.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

And that, my friend, is why our mom and dad celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary today. 

Mom and Dad, you are such a blessing to us and everyone around you.  Congratulations on this awesome day.  We hope your time in Hawaii is relaxing and fun-filled.  If you take lots of pictures, we’ll get them up here on this blog to share with everyone.

Dave, Rod and I could not manage to get our schedules together to record a happy anniversary greeting.  So, we enlisted the services of a group that we know you love. 

Click the PLAY button and enjoy.

Love,
Dave, Dawn, Dan, Alysa, Mike, Nick
Ron, Mona, Anna, Ben, Emily
Rod, Kathy, Christopher, Tim, Malia, Grace, Josie

Today is Rod’s 44th birthday, and he told me that he needed to get a few things off his chest.

First, when Rod made Captain in the Navy, there were a few people who thought that Rod’s head may finally be too big for his britches.  Rod said… “Who me”?

Second, Rod has recently taken up softball again.  Actually, it’s a compulsory group activity in the new cross-branch school Rod’s attending in Norfolk, VA.  The spectators learned that Rod’s grip isn’t what it used to be when he was younger.

Third, Rod and Kathy home school their kids; and in order to qualify for the home school program, they have to pass teacher certification.  Following is a copy of Rod’s latest test results.  Fortunately for Rod, Kathy gets to score the test and he fared pretty well.

1. A miss is as good as a ____
Mr.

2. Better to be safe than ____
punch a 5th grader

3. Strike while the ____
bug is close

4. It’s always darkest before ____
daylight saving time

5. Don’t bite the hand that ____
looks dirty

6. You can’t teach an old dog new ___
…math.

7. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll ___
…stink in the morning.

8. Love all, trust ___
…me.

9. The pen is mightier than the ___
…pigs.

10. An idle mind is ___
…the best way to relax.

11. Where there’s smoke there’s ___
…pollution.

12. Happy the bride who ___
…gets all the presents.

13. A penny saved is ___
…not much.

14. Two’s company, three’s ___
…the Musketeers.

15. Don’t put off till tomorrow what ___
…you put on to go to bed.

16. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ___
…you have to blow your nose.

17. There are none so blind as ___
…Stevie Wonder.

18. Children should be seen and not ___
…spanked or grounded.

19. If at first you don’t succeed ___
…get new batteries.

20. You get out of something only what you ___
…see in the picture on the box.

21. When the blind leadeth the blind ___
…get out of the way.

22. Better late than ___
…pregnant.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROD!  WE LOVE YOU.

This week brought the sad news of my mom’s sister Mary’s passing.  Mary had battled cancer for some time and on Monday she went to be with the Lord.  It is such hard news to bear.  What can we say to family and friends who remain and have to deal with the pain of their loss?…

We’re sorry.  We’re here for you. We love you. And, most importantly, God loves you more.

To say that the Lord holds our lives in His hands from cradle to grave is an understatement.  For Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…”  And in John 1:1-2 Jesus said “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.” 

I spoke with mom and dad last night and they said the memorial service was very nice.  Dad said that one of the songs they played was “Amazing Grace” by Elvis.  Mary was a huge Elvis fan.  It’s interesting that I sang a slightly different version of Amazing Grace last night with about 400 other people at a National Day of Prayer gathering.  I’m including the version we sang last night here with the lyrics. 

I would encourage you to listen and read along.  My favorite part is the chorus when it says, “My chains are gone.  I’ve been set free.” 

Mary’s chains are gone now, and she’s been set free forever.

“Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)”
by Chris Tomlin

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I’m found
Was blind, but now I see
‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

What do you get when you combine Plexiglas, Ritz crackers, Cheese Whiz, and a blindfold?

A very funny video.  Watch…

HAPPY NEW YEAR!